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Can you ever put yourself first?

February 10th, 2007 at 05:45 pm

DH left for a conference in Reno this morning, so it will be a week of little cooking and little spending on the home front.

I had lunch with an old friend yesterday. We went through divorces about the same time, years ago, and both married for the second time a couple years later.
Our lives have turned out differently, however.
My friend has had jobs that have no retirement befefits, and while she is frugal in some ways, she is a spendthrift in others.
Also, one of her grown kids keeps returning to live with her, bringing her two children and her four pets. Yesterday, the daughter announced she was going to quit her job!
This is the kind of situation that really puts a strain on finances, and keeps one in a budget crunch.
There is a fine line between enabling and seeing that your grandkids are taken care of. I can't fault her for taking them into her home, but when does one stop being a caretaker of others, and start taking care of one's self?

4 Responses to “Can you ever put yourself first?”

  1. Ima saver Says:
    1171133705

    I supported my daughter for years after her divorce, even going so far as buying her a house. She was just using me and when I stopped the money, she quit calling me.

  2. baselle Says:
    1171161550

    It's funny. In my youth, I've had some rough times, but somehow I got it in my head that I would rather stick 9 inch needles deeply into my eyes than go back and live with my parents. It was on the farm, but even so I didn't think of myself as unusual. In a weird way, I put myself first then, so I didn't become a bother to others.

  3. nance Says:
    1171205065

    When I was getting divorced, my parents offered to give me a couple acres, and help me build a house, but I thanked them and turned down their kind offer. It was necessary for me to make it on my own.

    It seems like some people feel "entitled", and feel like they deserve to be taken care of. After all, "They didn' t ASK to be born". Sometimes, it is becasue they are spoiled, sometimes, it is a character disorder, sometimes, it is just a way of life. I remember hearing a young, able bodied man, on the news, say, "If you can't depend on the government to take care of you, who can you depend on?" I really think a lot of people believe that they shouldn't have to take care of themselves.

  4. LuckyRobin Says:
    1171253340

    If my child was ever in that situation when she was older and told me she was going to quit her job I'd tell her fine but she had to find another place to live, or another job before she quit the first one to stay.

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